Family relation class

 I really recommand everyone to take this class, it really gives you a opportunities to think and learn many things about the family. It gaves me a lot of perspectives about Husband and Wife and children and the parents. It helps you to relate with your own situation and circumstances.

 In the beginning I didn't understand why brother Williams keep mentioning that Family is the most hard and complicated unit. Because I thought very simply that just meet a good guy and marry them and teach the children well. But in Family relation class it doesn't only talk about what does mom, dad, or the chilren do in the family. It also talk about different perspectives and family situation, such as remarried couple, single mom, sigle dad, and so on.

 I am so glad that I took this class because I learned so many things that I was misunderstood or many facts that I didn't reconize before. Now I know better about Family in many other circumstances and what I should prevent and prepare for those situations. At the end I have more confidence for my future family and I can't to wait till I have my own family.

Divorce & Remarriage

  I learned a new perspectives of Divorcity and Remarriage today in the class.

  Before I get to hear and learn about this material, I thought it wouldn't be too hard if they understand each other and being kind. But family relation in the remarriage are dealing with many complications. The emotional pressure on new father or mother(step father or mother) between the children (especially when they are older age).

   Some of the concerns from each family memeber are..
 A step father or mother could think : ' What if they compare me with their old father/mother? '
 Children : ' I don't know them that well, how am I suppose accept him/her'
 biological father/mother: ' Iet's protect my children just incase I fail at this marriage again. '

These are the some of the thoughts that they could think in remarriage family.


   Also what grabbed my attention was that person who was divorced will have "Divorced" in their record forever. And people would usually think not a good idea to remarry with someone who was divorced or have children already.  However, at the end we should not judge by what they have done, because we never know why and how they were ended up being in that situation. We need to first be in their situation and not be judgemental. Remarriage can be happened when there's death of their spouse  or other situation. Also we have to rememer, we never know what will happen to us, so when we are ended up being in the same situation we don't want people to judge us by where we are. And we can not judge them because it is their choice, what they want to do for their life and what makes them happy.


 This "Divorce and Remarriage" topic opened up for me to prepare for me to have future family. I am so glad to learn about this material today in the class. It really made me to have another perspectives of Divorce and Remarriage.

Fatherhood

This week I want to take time to talk about my Father.

     I remember in my childhood, me and my friends would take one of the role from the family. Me being a mom and my friends be the dad or the children. I would say "Honey, I will make a Kim-Chi soup for dinner tonight" Then My friend who is the role of father would always say " Honey, I'm back from the work" We learn in the school or in the cartoon that mom is cooking and dad is working. However, I thought it was rare to me but I just followed along with my friends. I thought it was not correct how the father is working all the time. I knew my father works and do half of the job in the house too.
    My father told me how to wash dish when I was in elementary school; around the top of cup is where we drank from it so I need to wash that part very clean. Of course my mother is also taught me those things but I knew that she wans't the only one who's doing all the house work. I see my dad do housework with my mom every single day even though he comes back from work very late at night. On the weekends I see him doing laundries or dishes, I see him massaging my mom's shoulder, I see him cliping his dad's toes whenever we go visit our granparents' house.I remember he said "You always need to help mom out with the housework, and do any small work before she makes you to do it, and say "yes mom!" whenever mom ask for an help" 
   I am so grateful for his examples and influence in my attitude towards the role of parent. I was wondering one day, 'my mom is so lucky! I don't think I will find a man like my dad..." it made me so depressed and long way to go, but he would encourage me saying " Yubin there's man like me everywhere,(with big a smile on his face) I'm pretty sure there are more good man than bad man" His love for our family influenced great on me that I want to follow his many good examples and become a better person to individuals.
  I don't know how I can say so many great examples of my dad on here or describe how fantastic he is for being a father and a husband. But I know for sure that my dad is someone who is fully charged with positive, optimistic, desirable, charitable, and just wonderful person in my life who gave me major influence of being a good person in my life. I love you dad and I will try to remember all the good things that you taught me :)

communication and & Mutual Problem Solving

What we do things that we are doing in the church that could possibly influnece us and why do we do that?

-Set time /Place
* Thursdays/SLC Temple (Holy/Dedicated)
-Speak Love and Gratitude to each other
 - I would always have time toshow gratitude and love to my spouse becasue  I mean who doesn't like compliments or hearing something nice from someone? someone especially you are love wiht? Through taking care of each other and speak with love to one another strengthen the relationship.
-Prayer
-Agenda
-Discuss till consensus to Lords will
-Closing Prayer
-Refreshments

The Family Under Stress

      This week in class, Brother williams shared his stories about death in the family and how it influenced his whole family. I am grateful for him to share his personal story even though it must be hard for him. Before his story, we talked about Actual Events, Behavioral response, Cognitions and Experience. He shared his story and we get to respond and observe those principles "ABCE".

     Brother williams mentioned that year after the child passed away the divorce rate increases becasue they were blamming on each other.

     Before any death happend in his family, there were fightings in the house between siblings and not much of gathering in family. However, after his brother passed away, they were trying to stay positive, gather around and pray about it and talked about it, there were no fightings, treat each other tenderly.

    Very important lesson that I learned from his stories and experience, I thought having a good attitude is very important especially when there's death in the family. His brother's death was cause from medicine that his mom gave him, in this case we all know that she will feel guilty about it and feels like it's all her fault but instead of blamming on her, Brother William's dad comforted her, and everyone was comforting her. The best phrase that I heard from Brother Williams when he asked "What will you say to your spouse to comfort him/her?" and then he said " Neither of us knew" That really was a good comfort and have someone comforting helps improve family relationship and go through struggles.

  I learned that as a family member, we can have positive attitude and comfort each other will strengthen the family relation.

Sexual Intimacy and Family Life

This week in the class, one of the question was "How well do we know that person(Partner)well?"

     When I heard that question, I was thinking about a story of one couple. They have been dating for 3 years and finally got married. When they were dating, they thought they knew everything about each other, however, things were very different after they got married. It was only a month have passed and the husband became different person, he got abusive for no reason. The girl haven't experienced anything abusive in past 3years of dating.

   In order to know that person, this few things are neccessary to have, Talk,Time, and Togatherness.
I heard that 3month is good amount of time to know the person.

   In class we also talked about "relationship attachment model" it has few things that we can balance,
KNOW > Trust > Rely > Commit > Touch. In these steps, starts with one thing and fall to the next will have more chance to have good and better relationship between two couples.

 

Transitions in Marriage

One of the question that we dicussed in the class was "Why does the proposal matter?"

This question reminded me of so many impressive proposal that I saw in the Youtube video.
In the Youtube videos so many  men gave very unique proposal to the women. So why does the proposal matter?
I think every women wants to have impressive proposal, it doens't neccessary have to be with how much money was put in it but good enough to give special moment for the women. By getting a good proposal it can strengthen the relation between the couples. The moment of proposal could be one of women's best moment in her life. since it could be the their first big moment throughout the life before getting married women wants to receive a impressive proposal. One of the opposition could be that if the proposal is huge then it can higher women's expectation. Anyways, Getting married is one of the big important moment in every person's life. That's why proposal can impact and important to women and men.

Gender and Family Life

This week, we talked about people who considered themselves a gay.
It was very interesting topic for me because I often struggled with how to respond to them. And how I can react to those situation.


The best respond to any statement that are related to the people who considered themselves as a gay were..
1. Instead of forcing them it's wrong and criticize, but try to listen to their stories, any experience that they had in the past. ( They might be molested, or they could be treated diffrerently or seperated because they weren't behaving same as their same gender)
2. If someone come up to you and saying " Hey he turned out to be a gay, I noticed he was different from other kids" then we should correct them saying " You are mislabelling them"

In my high school years, there were few friends who considered themselves as a gay. And at that time I would be surprised in my mind but outside I would pretend that it's not a big deal and just skip it. I should've talk to them about it instead of just admit the fact and ignore it. I also realize that many people struggle with it.
Through today's discussion,I realize that many people struggle with it.I obtained more knowledge about perspectives and mind of people who considered themseves a gay. Also, I have more thoughts of how to respond to its situation.

 

Social class & Cultural diversity

This week's discussion in the class was Social Class & Cultural Diversity


Social Class
I watched Tammy's Story. In this video, a young boy name Tammy lives in urban area in a container box with his mom and his siblings. He thinks he is in a upper class than his family even though he lives with them. By watching his behavior and what he consider himself belongs to a upper class, the thought came into my mind that how does the Social class works. Does it base on the properties that they owned, money, or education and such. How I identify individuals Social Class is varity, properties,rich, good manner, usaged of words, and their look.

Cultrual Diversity
Brother Williams demonstrated extend family in the class. How their relation will change and it affects the family. While a father lives in forign country for his job, rest of his family stays. This situation reminded me of my family. It was surprising how each student who took father, mother, children's role in Brother Williams demonstration are able to understand the situation that they were in. It was very unique how Brother Williams asked them a question about what they would feel in each situation and I could able to hear and observe the changes and struggles between the family.
In conclusion, from brother Williams demonstration plus my own personal experience, I think family relation can be change in a good and a bad way. It depends on how well we communicate and understand each other. Even though my dad lived in Korea and my mom and my sisters lived in America, my dad would always contact us. Every morning, afternoon, and night, we never felt that we are seperated for long time. My dad was definitly lonely, but our family tried to stay together through a small call each day or a video chat. I think this whole hard experience of live far apart from my dad gave me an apportunities to care and love him more. And  I could realize how much love we have in our family. I really appriciate this experience, it can be a long suffering in some point but this is one of my testimony of long trials. This long trials finally ended and gave me a everlasting blessings and experience in my life.

Today in class, we talked about Theories

-systems
-Exchange
-symbolic Interaction
-conflict theory

In System Theory, there are Rules and Roles

These are the rules that I would like to have for my future family
1. No texting at the dinner table
2. Keep your room clean
3. Have family scripture study and prayer every night
4. Have family time on Saturday
5.Work as a family on yard/house
6.LOVE ONE ANOTHER
7.Go to church every Sunday
8.Clean up after yourself
9.Practice your talents
10.Always smile :)

Roles
Become a good mother and friend with the children
Become a supportive partner and friend with my husband

I'm pretty sure it will change as I continue my future, but those are the basic ones that I am going to remember.

Marriage and Family Myths & Trends

A one of the Myth on the MYTHS ABOUT FAMILY LIFE....

Happily Married People Don't Have Conflict?!

   I think this is completely not true. Even though my parents would tell me they are always happy as long as they are together in any places. However, they do have conflicts in a some point of their lives. They are not created exactly the same human being, and they can not always agree or satisfies on the same thing. My mom is more like strong and tough and My dad is more likely laid back and easy going. Whenever we go to a tour to other city, my dad would buy me and my sisters toys that we want( I always want one every place I go, that's what all the kids do right?)but my mom didn't like the fact that he buys toys that we won't play with it and for other reasons. However, my dad would still do it.So there is an example of conflict between my parents.

 In the Marriage and Family book pg.9 "The Dangers of Myths" says ...

   "Do not take for granted the truth of something simply because a lot of people agree that it is true.

Myths are more than simple mistakes"

List of the Trends that we listed in the class were...

• Delaying marriage
• Birth rate declining
• Unwed Birth
• Moms working
• premarital sex
• cohabitation (live together before marriage)

    In class we voted whether each one on the list are critical, significant, or not big of deal

 In my personal opinion, All the above of them are critical except, Delaying marriage, I think it might be different for each person depends on our personal experience. Delaying marriage is significant to me because in my opinion, I prefer to  have a financially supported before the marriage. I know families around me struggles with financial that their family splits up. And I realized having enough money is also a way for maintain a happy relationship between husband and wife. So I think it is significant to delay marriage in order to have enough time to prepare for stable marriage (not that I mean having a lot money is major results of good and happy marriage)

 

 

Learning Model in BYUI

April 19


Last week, one of the discussion that we had with Brother Williams in Family Relation class was three learning model in BYUI. 
* Prepare
*Teach One Another
*Ponder/Prove.

    In three learning model,  affected alot in my life during last semester in winter. Especially, when during final days of school, I was very stressed out about chemistry test. In short time of period, my chemistry teacher taught the whole one chapter in two days. the test was on Monday and final exam was on the following Friday. However, i immediately stop worrying and started to apply those three learning model. I spent time prepare for the test, when I prepared sufficiently I felt confident about the test. So I could able to help my classmate with chemistry and I had chance to review it again. Finally, when I took the test I got the highest score out of all the scores that I got in my chemistry test. I couldn't believe how the three learning model impacted on my grade!

  I appreciate the three learning model that are introduced by this school and the opportunity to experience amazing result out of it.